Disclaimer: This post is really just for me to release a little stress and not have a mental break down. No comment needed.
While I may seem so focus on my goals and know what I want to do with my life. I am completely frustrated with life. Yeah, I know it’s my fault for the way things turned out. At the beginning of the year I set a goal to find myself outside of business, poker, and food. I am slowly forgiving myself, finding myself, and most importantly accepting who I am.
I realize losing my mom when I was younger and the bad choices I have made between the ages of 15 to 23 lead me to be the person I am today. While I would love to have my mom back, I don’t think I would change a single thing in my life. Someday I will need to go to counseling to fully get over my bad childhood and forgive myself for 8 years of bad choices. Then maybe I can find someone to emotional connect with as a friend and lover.
Until then I guess I will have to work on improving my life one step at a time. Improving monthly income, paying off debt, saving money, and most importantly moving the hell away from my family. I know what some of you are thinking family is important. Well they are for those of you are close to your family. However, for me being alone is far better then being around people whom don’t understand me nor will I ever be close with. The only close family connect I had was my mother and I haven’t felt that since I was 6 years old.
While I am not close with my dad, I do care about him. He’s a good guy that made mistakes as a father here and there but who doesn’t right? However, I need space from family for me to become the man I want to be and need to be for my future. But I get the feeling my father is going to need a short time after I move west. So I have mix feelings about moving so far.
Well writing this has been great. I feel much better. Now to work on the changes in my life to make sure I won’t ever have to write one of these again. I was seriously close to having a mental break down.
If you took the time to read this, well welcome to my mind and my world.
as well.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
I see you said no reason to comment, but I just have too.
It’s great to release stuff as you feel so much better afterwards. Things take time and just be positive and go with the flow and you must of course believe in yourself
I had to comment as well. I read your posts, and I’m always happy to see that you’re pushing forward in your efforts. To me, I’m proud to see a young black man trying to make his own way without doing anything illegal or trying to cut corners. You just keep on keeping on, and you’ll get to where you want to be.
I think its really great way to keep your self calm. Sharing your sad moments with other give you more satisfaction and willing to live. It loose your burden relax your mind. Have patience and God will do everything well.